Happy Holidays OR Yuck Fou Delta :)

As I am writing this I am one quarter of the way to the Joyce-post-walk-home-from-Fiddlesticks-on-Halloween state of mind. It is interesting. I feel fragile and unstoppable all at the same time. It really is quite interesting. If someone were to start singing Christmas Shoes, I might start crying while acting out the entire song. Why am I like this? Well if you picked up on the title of the post, then you would know Delta is to blame.

7:30 AM - Wake up in Richmond, Virginia. I have been here since Thursday for the holiday. I have a flight at 10:40 back to New York today so I can go to work at 7:15 PM
8:00 AM - After having some toast for breakfast, I opt out of taking a shower since I will able to take one when I get home. Instead, I force some Always Sunny on the family
8:55 AM - After two episodes, we leave the apartment and head to the airport
9:40 AM - Arrive at the airport. I printed out my boarding pass so I head straight for security. On my way there, I peek at a departure monitor. There is only one flight canceled today. Suckers.
9:41 AM - WTF?! That is my flight. Head back to check in to scan my boarding pass only to find out that my flight is now at 2:30 PM....on Monday due to weather. (Note: It is 50 degrees and sunny in both NY and VA
9:42 AM - To review: Last weekend I went to and from Breckenridge during one of the biggest Nor'easters in recent memory without delay. However, on a nice day, my flight has been canceled. Can you say Piccinich Effect?
9:43 AM - Call Mom and Dad to let them know. They are on their way back now as I wait in line at the Delta counter.
9:58 AM - I overhear the Delta worker say that all flights to NY are booked. I get out of line and check Continental? Booked. Jet Blue? They have 3 seats available on a 5:30 flight. Tickets are $282. Who do they think I am? Dmo?
10:03 AM - Mom and Dad walk into the terminal as I get back in line at Delta.
10:30 AM - Long story short: After checking rental car options, we decided it will be best if Dad moves up his trip to NY and drives up with me now. We head back to the apartment so Dad can get his things.
11:20 AM - Depart from Richmond for the second time. This time via car. The GPS says we can expect to reach 30 Rock at 5:15 PM. I of course know better, and do not expect to reach NY at that time
2:45 PM - We have hit plenty of traffic up to this point, but we are more than halfway home. The GPS shows we will arrive at 5:23. We stop at the Chesapeake house for gas, bathroom, and food. As we walk inside we see the bathroom lines are monstrous. We opt for smoothies and Cinnabon instead.
3:05 PM - A very efficient stop has only added 20 minutes to our arrival time. Things are looking decent. But of course we have to deal with the NJ Turnpike which will most assuredly be a disaster
3:30 PM - THE DELAWARE REST STOP HAS BEEN DESTROYED!! Oh Happy day! I call Ostrowe to add this wonderful news to his already wonderful day.
3:37 PM - Arrive in Jersey. The signs are suggesting to take 295 North, so I abide. Anything to keep me off the Turnpike.
4:00 PM - 295 is moving nicely. The highway splits due to construction and I stay in the fast lane.
4:02 PM - Three miles down the road the fast lane becomes the express lane to Philadelphia. I have no option to get back on 295 North. I am helpless as the GPS tells me to take three different exits to make a U-Turn. How expected.
4:09 PM - Finally back on 295 North and only 5 minutes has been added to the trip. Expected arrival time: 5:49
4:28 PM - Getting ready to rejoin the Turnpike. Hopefully we bypassed some traffic.
4:29 PM - Traffic on the turnpike moving nicely.
4:30 PM - Pass sign that says: Major delays from Exit 6-7A. We think: "Only three exits? Not too shabby"
4:45 PM - Major delays. Traffic crawling. Expected arrival time increasing slowly.
5:07 PM - Originally expected to arrive in 8 minutes, but we are about an hour and twenty minutes away as the crow flies.
5:30 PM - We put on 1010 Wins to find out why we are still sitting in traffic between exits 7 & 7A. They inform us that there is a 90 minute wait at both tunnels. That is going to hurt the arrival time.
5:42 PM - The highway splits into express and local. Things are moving now, but we are still
5:45 PM - I start thinking of alternatives. I call NBC and let them know that I am running late. They will inform my guests when they arrive at 7:30 that I will be late.
5:46 PM - Call mom and ask her to find a train station near exit 8. Call everyone I know in Jersey for ideas. No one picks up.
5:50 PM - Decide that the best course of action is to go to Secaucus and catch a train to Penn from there. However, there is now a 2 hour delay at the tunnel. We can only hope the traffic doesn't back up to Secaucus. It probably will.
6:00 PM - Still can't find Secaucus in the GPS. That is because I was spelling it wrong. (Seeeeeeeeacaucus = too many Es)
6:01 PM - Finally got the spelling right. The GPS says we will arrive at the train station at 6:30 PM. That would give me an hour to get to 30 Rock. Completely feasible. But not probable.
6:10 PM - More traffic on the Turnpike. Arrival time rising...
6:18 PM - Traffic lets up. Hit 85 mph. Arrival time falling!
6:35 PM - The helix takes us .5 miles past the train station. Yuck Fou NJ. I hate you
6:38 PM - After a huge loop we finally make it to the station. I grab my three bags, bid father adieu and profusely thank him for his good deed. He is listed as the early favorite for GotY 2010
6:41 PM - Very Winded. But I manage to buy a ticket and get through the turnstile.
6:42 PM - Run down the stairs only to see a NY bound train pull away from the station. Next train is at 7:15
7:00 PM - Take a deep breath for the first time in 9 hours. Also, I think my stomach may be eating itself.
7:13 PM - The 7:15 train has been delayed 20 minutes. How expected. Someone really doesn't want me to give this tour tonight. The next train is at "7:21"
7:20 PM - The 7:21 train is early! What a shocker. Everything is coming up Milhouse.
7:27 PM - My guests call me from 30 Rock. I tell them to go upstairs, eat chicken fingers, and wait for me.
7:29 PM - Arrive at Penn Station. Start running to 30 Rock but it is exhausting with 3 heavy bags. I run two blocks, speed walk one, repeat.
7:43 PM - Get to 30 Rock and run upstairs.
7:44 PM - Meet the guests in the green room.
7:45 PM - Pound 3 chicken fingers and a water.
7:46 PM - Begin tour
10:01 PM - Guest leave. Sit in the green room and catch my breath again. Mumble "Yuck Fou Delta" to myself