Quick Outs

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Who Wants a Mustache Ride? Semifinals

The battle for the Awesome and Cheesy titles is finally upon us. So without further ado, in the words of Michael Buffer, Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE.

This title bout is scheduled for one fall and is for the COG/CTS/GCOE Cheesy Mustache Championship of the World.

Fighting out of the Bushy Corner
Monopoly Guy
Occupation: Businessman/Entreprenuer/Jim$
Mustache Type: 1940's Walrus
Details: Rich Uncle Pennybags aka Milburn Pennybags aka Stanley Monopoly has the most expensive mustache in the tournament. Although he was created in the 1940's, TMG was created in Jim$ image. Sounds impossible, but I assure you it involves a time machine, the space time continuom, a DeLorean, and alternate realities. Further proof: The Monopoly Guy's wife is named Abby

Fighting out of the Groomed Corner
Geraldo
Occupation: TV Tabloid Talk Show Host
Mustache Type: The Hungarian
Details: Geraldo's stache has a resume as strong as a seasoned MMA fighter. It once acted as a shield when a chair was thrown at his face. And it once scissor-kicked Angela Lansbury. When Geraldo asks two-timing, druggie, asshole boyfriends a question. They tell him the truth.


Ostrowe: Cinderella story here
Rick: Two long shots: 12 seed v 14 seed
O: Monopoly Guy has the edge when it comes to experience, but not buy much
R: He also has the money edge
O: If it was up to Geraldo he would go directly to jail
R: We know who Bill O'Reilly will be voting for.
O: Abby? What would the subject be if Geraldo ever had Monopoly Guy on his show?
R: Why does Monopoly Guy tear down houses to build hotels on shitty street in in AC?
O: Maybe something about how his fortune is recession proof? It seems to be working for him
R: Maybe a positive fluff piece about him providing free parking
O: Or something about trouble coming in from out of state
R: He also won a beauty pageant
O: Every mustache dies baby, that's a fact. But maybe every mustache that dies will someday grow back
R: Have you ever seen a cheesy mustache being dyed for national TV? If you've ever seen that mustache, you've seen Geraldo. I completely underestimated Geraldo. I am almost ready to jump on his bandwagon. He is like St. Joes, Memphis, and George Mason combined
O: Monopoly Guy has once again proved that our voters are easily influenced by wealth
R: Isn't he based on Jim$?
O: I have a feeling we may have mentioned that before

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