Title Track (8.24.07)

Lets start this Title Track with the prestigious:
QUICK OUTS HALL OF FAME.

If you are a religious Quick Outs reader, you will see that I update it daily. It is an easy way of spreading interesting things that I find along to you without having to do any work other than clicking on a button. It's even easier than churning out a new Title Track. So without further ado, I present to you, the inaugural members of the Quick Outs Hall of Fame.
~The Defender of Fresh Biscuits~
This may be one of the funniest commercials of all-time. I don't even need to say anymore:


~You're the best! Around!~
I still don't know if these are real or fake. If I was forced to choose, I'd say fake. Regardless, Marques Colston is now cooler because of this video


~Minesweeper!~
This preview still makes me laugh.


When Hank Aaron hit his 715th Home Run. NBC Sports had picked up the game. That night, with the game on network television, 14.7 million households tuned in. This season, when Barry Bonds hit his 756 ESPN and FSN Bay Area combined to attract slightly over 1 million households. Now is this proof that people don't like Barry Bonds or that people don't watch TV anymore or that the amount of programming on TV has severely diluted the audience? I don't know. But just as a comparison, 13 million households tuned in to see Mark McGwire hit his 62nd home run in 1998.

What is the most watched show in the history of cable television? The premiere of High School Musical 2. That's right. With 17.2 million viewers it beat last year's Cowboys-Giants Monday Night Football game.

So the NFL suspended Michael Vick indefinitely. Good, glad that's over with. Now I am sure we will never hear about this story for the entire football season. I can sleep easier now.

I laughed out loud an inapproiate moments after reading the following things:

Q: What do you consider to be a fair trade the Red Sox can make for Wily Mo Pena? My roommate and I were discussing it, and we decided that a cheeseburger would be fair. But not just any cheeseburger… we're talking a one-pound cheddar and bacon burger from Fuddruckers. We figure once we add on the tomatoes, pickles, relish, mustard, ketchup, jalapeños, nacho cheese and onions, we'd come out on top. Your thoughts?
--James, Brighton
SG: Um, you'd come out on top if you traded Wily Mo for a single-patty McDonald's cheeseburger with nothing on it. But I like the thought of Theo Epstein announcing the deal, then holding a news conference in which he eats the Fuddrucker's burger in front of the reporters and cameraman and just repeatedly says, "Mmmmmmm … . Mmmmmmm … mmmmm, this is delicious, it almost makes up for the fact that we effectively gave away Bronson Arroyo … mmmmmm … yummmy … "

A Nike billboard will be unveiled in midtown Manhattan next Tuesday featuring Serena Williams from the waist up accompanied by the text, “Are you looking at my titles?”

"Then finally the highlight of my day, Michael and i shooting a commercial for the game College Hoops 2K8. It was my first commercial so i had a good time with it. Its a pretty funny commercial so when it comes out i hope people will like it and go out and buy the game that im on the cover of. When it comes out it shouldn't be to hard to find. It has this handsome African American fellow who played at The Ohio State University and he looks like he is 40." -Greg Oden

University of Michigan Football player Marques Slocum responded to one of those generic Facebook self-quizzes and it wound up all over these internets. Most people are proclaiming him as a god incarnate. And while I did find it hilarious, he also may be slightly retarded. It will be interesting to see if any repercussions come from this.

Mail Chain highlight: This week was mostly spent quoting Super Bad when not talking about Evelyn, so the quote of the week is:
I just want a girlfriend for 2 months, so when I get to college, I'm like the Iron Chef of pounding vag.
Which of course led to:
You already are the Iron Chef of pounding Evelyn
Daryl's the Iron Chef of mowing lawns
Terry's the Iron Chef of making barpies
Jim$ is the Iron Chef of ties
Gerry Oswald is the Iron Chef of stealing $60
That Young MC from the Preakness is the Iron Chef of stealing $100 bills
Anfron is the Iron Chef of having Steve Elkington's putter in his ass

Since this is already a clusterfuck of a post lets add some Unspoken Rules:
1. Don't wear the face of your watch on the bottom of your wrist. That's gay.
2. When waiting in a long line for a cash register. Take your money out you dolt. Don't wait until the cashier tells you how much it costs. Be considerate for chrissake.

The New Zealand Rugby team is known as the All Blacks. The New Zealand basketball team? You guessed it, the Tall B

Wikipedia entries this week:
Pretzel - There are cold, warm, soft, chewy and hard pretzels. Soft pretzels are best eaten fresh-baked. These are common in Germany. Cities in the United States like Philadelphia, Chicago, and New York are also famous for their soft pretzels. Fitzpatrick's in Congers, has the most famous soft pretzels made by Terry Galligan.
Evelyn - Evelyn de Fitzy's, constantly has Mar's face in her snatch
Chubb - $6.99/lb

The Dreambaby = Jonathan Brady

Parting is such sweet sorrow