Title Track (6.7.06)

Well yesterday wasn't the apocalypse. Duh.

Not too long ago we were forced to bid farewell to Craig "Ironhead" Haywood. This is very somber for me because he was the source of my favorite line from a commercial of all time. (mind you this is in a girly voice) "But Ironhead, what's with this thingy? (Now tough) That's the patented lather builder!"

A close second place to Ironhead comes from none other than Mr. O'Neil. When he crooned: "Take it to the hole Shaquille" Then he slammed the phone down and shattered the telephone booth. Genius.

Come to think of it whatever happened to the commercial jingle. If you can come up with a good jingle I feel that people will remember your product forever.

When you remove the dust from something, you are dusting it, not undusting it. The same follows true for the juvenile art of pantsing. Ostrowe and I may be alone here, but imagine if pantsing someone meant actually putting pants on them. I would die laughing if someone ran over to their victim, knocked them over, and proceeded to put a pair of pants on them. All the while the victim would be screaming: "What are you doing...I wore shorts for a reason...It's too hot to wear pants...people are going to look and me funny and laugh...NOOOOOOO!"
Priceless.

X is dating Y. X gives Y a promise ring saying that he promises to think about getting engaged to Y in the future. X and Y break up. X starts dating Z. After a while X starts dating Y and Z at the same time. Z finds out about Y, X dumps Z. After X breaks up with Y, again, X convinces Z that he is changed and they date again. X breaks Z's heart for a second time.
Present Time
Barbeque at Rick's house. Z is in attendance. The word "Promise ring" is thrown out for some reason. Dmo and Ostrowe look at each other and smile. Rick on the other hand says: "Oh man remember the time X got a promise ring for.......fook"

Taraness: The act of badgering Amanda with a well executed guilt trip

O: I wish I could give a promise ring to the queso dip. I promise to savor your deliciousness

D: How are your potato skins
N: Awful
D: Yea, they look pretty bad
N: But you know what the worse part is? The waitress is going to come back and ask me how they are and I'm going to say they are excellent.
(Epilogue: That's exactly what happened)

This experience led me to come up with a fool-proof plan. The sliding tip scale. Based on the quality of the food, the amount left for a tip is calculated. If the food is awful you leave a 10% tip if the food is great, you leave a 20% tip. If a restaurant consistently has bad food, the waitresses won't stand for consistantly low tips and they will leave. Now the management knows that the cooks suck and they can either fix the problem or go out of business

John Saunders: "A lot of the critics have been saying that in order to beat the Suns that you have to outscore them."

N: I want to rent Glory Road this weekend
M: That sounds like the name of a song: Glory Road da nu na na Glory Road
N: That's Glory Days
M: Oh

Princess Bride and Office Space have been added to the list of comedies that carry themselves throughout their entirety. Don't ask me what else is on the list because it hasn't been made yet.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, he's gone.